I know it must be hell on Earth for you to sit in a dark movie theater for two hours and just watch the movie like everyone else.  It must be difficult to deprive everyone around you of your wit and observations during the movie.  It’s got to be tough to not discuss what’s being projected right in front of your stupid face with the other simpletons who came with you.  BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!

You see, the rest of us paid good money to experience the movie on the big screen.  We want to enjoy the special effects, the sound, the story.  You know immerse ourselves in the experience.  NOBODY paid to come sit in the theater and listen to your stupid ass.

You are either:

  • an inconsiderate piece of shit
  • too stupid to figure out what’s going on
  • an asshole
  • or just fucking oblivious

None of these things are good.

Next time, wait until it comes out on DVD.  Then you can sit in your living room and fuck it up for just your family, those poor bastards who were shit upon by the fates enough to be saddled with you for their entire lives.  You can ask them who the guy in the blue coat is, even though they have showed him 10 times already and explained thoroughly who he is.

You owe me $10.00.

Evidently, Barbara Walters has revealed her 2010 list of the “Most Fascinating People.”  Only eight have been revealed, you will have to tune into her shitfest of a show to see who the other two are, and who is the most fascinating.  Here are the eight that were revealed:

  • Sandra Bullock (got cheated on by a Nazi)
  • Kate Middleton (marrying some inbred British royal)
  • Justin Bieber (will be on the scrapheap with Hanson and Menudo in a couple years when his fans get through puberty)
  • Betty White (mystified by all the attention she has gotten)
  • LeBron James (attention whore)
  • Sarah Palin (twit)
  • Jennifer Lopez
  • The cast of Jersey Shore (my mind reels)

Are you fucking kidding me?  This is the shit that passes for “fascinating” these days?

Unbelievable.

YouTube is nice enough to take a look at the stuff you have watched, and make suggestions for other things you might also enjoy.  In this case, since I viewed a video about grilling steak, they naturally thought I might like to watch a video about INJECTING HEROIN.

This story is making the rounds on Facebook, probably as a chain e-mail as well.  You know, one of those stories with a “message”…

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

Very touching, very sweet, but come on!

1)  This woman had been battling cancer for months and it NEVER came up in any conversation?  Even before she knew her husband was fucking Jane, she never mentioned any doctor visits, nothing?  BULLSHIT!

2)  She is dying in a month, and she is still going to work?  Time is running out!  You need to squeeze in whatever shit you still need to do, things you want to experience before you die.  Work?  Are you kidding me?  BULLSHIT!

3)  She is wasting away from the ravages of cancer, and the dipshit husband just thinks she is losing a few pounds?  People in the final stages of battling this disease look a hell of a lot different than someone who has dropped a few pounds.  BULLSHIT!

4)  I have known people who have died of cancer.  The days leading up to their death they looked terrible, the disease had taken it’s toll on them.  You don’t go to work in the morning thinking everything is OK, stop and buy some flowers, and then come home to find her dead in bed from cancer.  BULLSHIT!

5)  And finally, this chick is on her way out, she knows she is going to die.  So instead of letting her husband go and create a new life with Jane, she forces him to hang out with her as she wastes away.  That’s all good if she is vengeful and wants to screw things up between her husband and Jane, and then leave his ass alone after she dies as a final FUCK YOU!  But the story paints her motives as being pure and altruistic.  BULLSHIT!

Anyway, this MIGHT be based on some actual event, but the story above is bullshit.  It has the message tacked on at the end which I didn’t include, some religious crap.  If people want to pass it around and get a message out of it, OK.  But as a public service to wistful women everywhere, I’m sorry but it’s bullshit.

Hey Klan member…

If you are going to talk shit about other people being stupid, MAYBE you should spell translation correctly.

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