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So I’m at the store today perusing video games just to see what’s there, maybe pick something up if it looks good. You’ve got the usual stuff, Grand Theft Auto type games, shoot ‘em ups, and sports games. But imagine my complete surprise when I spotted this…
I just can’t picture a couple of dudes sitting around in the living room, bag of Doritos, cans of Mountain Dew or beer strewn about, probably a bong somewhere, and THIS game in the console.
Yeah, you have your tribal tattoo and your piercings. You’re wearing those jeans you spent way too much money on, you know the ones that are all pre-ripped and pre-faded. Your hat is on all crooked and shit, and still has a sticker on the brim. You drink Mountain Dew and eat at McDonalds (you’re lovin’ it). But are you REALLY as cool and edgy as you want everyone to think you are? If not, I think I can help you out.
Miracle Whip motherfucker, do you speak it?
“What the hell are you talking about Lizard, Miracle Whip?” Well, that’s what I thought too until I saw this commercial.
HOLY SHIT! Who knew that Miracle Whip was so bad-ass? Not me that’s for sure. Dopey me, I’ve been using that old man condiment mayonnaise all this time just because it tastes better. Look at those people at that BBQ, they are WAY cool! None of them are eating anything with mayo on it, why would they? Shit, there’s probably no mayo for five blocks around that rager.
“We are Miracle Whip and we will not tone it down.”
Are you fucking kidding me?
…says the guy on a TV commercial. Why doesn’t he just tell me to check out the tallest midget or sample the tastiest turd.
Besides, the original was just a blatant ripoff of Point Break, only with race cars instead of surfboards.
They’re still televising that shit?
