There are a lot of reasons the NBA sucks ass. Here are ten:

  1. Baskets are pretty much meaningless – Yes, cumulatively they determine the winner of the game, and key baskets at certain junctures of the game are important. But by and large a single basket means nothing. Each team is going to score a whole bunch of them so who cares? You could go to the bathroom, miss 10 baskets and you will not have missed anything because there will be a bunch more.
  2. Too much filler – Since most baskets mean nothing, the game doesn’t even really start until the end of the 4th quarter. You have 46 of 48 minutes where a basket scored doesn’t really affect anything until you add them all up at the end of the game. So the vast majority of the game you don’t even really need to be watching. You could show up in the 46th minute and not have really missed anything. Why not just give each team 90 points, flip a coin to see who gets to be ahead by three, and play the final two minutes. It would essentially be the same thing.
  3. The dunk is the most overrated play in any sport – I’m not saying I could do it, but in a league where most players are tall and athletic, my guess is that at least 98% of the players in the NBA can probably dunk. So why is it such a big deal when someone does it? It seems like it should be expected, but people lose their shit over something most guys can do. And despite the ridiculous amount of attention a dunk gets, it still counts for only two points, just like a layup or a five footer. I have heard it said that a dunk changes momentum, gets players fired up, whatever. But I would guess that if someone had the time and inclination to do a study, it would be found that the team that made the “big dunk” probably wins half the time and loses half the time.
  4. Fouls – It doesn’t seem to take much to commit a foul in the NBA, and the game is constantly stopping because of them.
  5. Too many time outs – EIGHT timeouts per team in 48 minutes of play. That is a timeout for every six minutes of play. Do the coaches not cover anything at practice, why do they have to stop and talk about shit so often? By comparison, the NFL has six timeouts for 60 minutes of play, the NHL has one timeout for sixty minutes of play, and soccer has no timeouts for 90 minutes of play.
  6. Intentional fouling – Basketball is the only sport where intentional breaking of the rules is an accepted and encouraged strategy for trying to win a game. It has also been an encouraged strategy to intentionally foul certain players because of their inability to hit free throws.
  7. The Slam Dunk Contest is tired – They have been having this forever, and I’m pretty sure almost every dunk has been done, and done, and done. And as mentioned previously the dunk is ridiculously overrated anyway.
  8. The playoffs are entirely too long – The playoffs take a month and a half to two months, depending on how badly the NBA wants to torture me. One reason they are too long is…
  9. Too many teams make the playoffs – 16 of 30 teams make the playoffs, or 53%. More teams make they playoffs than don’t. How is this possible? Shouldn’t your team have to actually perform in an above average manner to have a chance at winning the championship of the league? The entire first round of the playoffs is just MORE filler. NBA teams essentially play 1230 games to determine which teams get to get eliminated in the first round. Since the NBA went to a 16-team playoff format in 1984, there have been 232 first round matchups. And of those match-ups only five times has the 8 seed beaten the 1 seed, or just over 2% of the time. So what the fuck the point of having that match-up?
  10. Almost every game looks the same as every other game – If you watch a basketball game, when it’s over you will think to yourself “I have seen this before.” Here’s what will happen probably 98% of the time: Teams will trade baskets for most of the game. During the game some team will go on a run to create a gap between the two teams. Later, the other team will go on a run to close the gap. The teams will enter the final two minutes separated by less than 10 points. The intentional fouling will begin and there will be a lot of free throws. A bunch of timeouts will get called. The last two minutes will take about a half hour.

There you have it, the NBA sucks.