You’re also covered if you’re hanging out somewhere that it’s 250 degrees plus and you need to jot something down.
Yesterday we (the U.S.) spent $79 million dollars to crash a rocket into the moon. We did this to determine whether or not there is water/ice below the moon’s surface. The only real reason we need to know this is for future colonization of the moon, which is another very expensive and very unnecessary undertaking.
Luckily the U.S. economy is in fantastic shape and we had no problem scratching a $79 million check for something so frivolous. Thankfully there is not a more pressing need for this money.
Oh wait…
Here are 10 different things that we COULD HAVE DONE with that $79 million instead*:
1) Donate $1 million each to 79 charities working on finding cures for deadly diseases.
2) Send 1,880,952 underprivileged kids to Disneyland for a day.
3) Give $1000 bonuses to 79,000 soldiers.
4) Pay 1,548 teachers for a year.
5) Buy 7,900,000 bed nets and send them to areas of the world where they could help reduce the spread of malaria by mosquitoes, which kills one million people per year.
6) Provide 15,800,000 meals for the homeless.
7) Pay 2,135 firemen for a year.
8) Build 929 homes through Habitat for Humanity.
9) Provide a year of medicine to 5,266 people suffering from AIDS.
10) Pay 1,975 cops for a year.
These are all things that could be done right here on this planet, right now for the people who live here. I would have much rather seen any one of these things happen before pissing it away the way we did.
* I didn’t do extensive research, these numbers just came from quick searches on the web for the costs of various things. It’s not exact, but you get the idea.
So I’m at the store today perusing video games just to see what’s there, maybe pick something up if it looks good. You’ve got the usual stuff, Grand Theft Auto type games, shoot ‘em ups, and sports games. But imagine my complete surprise when I spotted this…
I just can’t picture a couple of dudes sitting around in the living room, bag of Doritos, cans of Mountain Dew or beer strewn about, probably a bong somewhere, and THIS game in the console.
Yeah, you have your tribal tattoo and your piercings. You’re wearing those jeans you spent way too much money on, you know the ones that are all pre-ripped and pre-faded. Your hat is on all crooked and shit, and still has a sticker on the brim. You drink Mountain Dew and eat at McDonalds (you’re lovin’ it). But are you REALLY as cool and edgy as you want everyone to think you are? If not, I think I can help you out.
Miracle Whip motherfucker, do you speak it?
“What the hell are you talking about Lizard, Miracle Whip?” Well, that’s what I thought too until I saw this commercial.
HOLY SHIT! Who knew that Miracle Whip was so bad-ass? Not me that’s for sure. Dopey me, I’ve been using that old man condiment mayonnaise all this time just because it tastes better. Look at those people at that BBQ, they are WAY cool! None of them are eating anything with mayo on it, why would they? Shit, there’s probably no mayo for five blocks around that rager.
“We are Miracle Whip and we will not tone it down.”
Are you fucking kidding me?
